On Thin Waves
by SweetieLove
Summary: "I used to think that people who committed suicide as selfish, Feenie. But now, I see that they're just people who have no one to turn to." Phoenix x Iris. Written for the PW Kink Meme.


**A/N**: Hi OP! I'm sorry if a) This didn't exactly fit your request, since I was writing this based from experience (I'm in Iris's shoes) b) I got a bit too emotional writing this so it got a bit sappy at the end, finally c) The characters might be OOC.

Anyhow, I'm still hoping you like this, OP.

**Prompt**: a character (Phoenix, Apollo, Klavier Gavin? I don't care, but preferably male) attempts suicide. Not the most original prompt, I know, but I'm having a spot of writer's block lately which means I can't tackle my own issues through fiction the way I usually would and I could rly use the catharsis

* * *

**On Thin Waves**

* * *

It started out small.

The feeling was gnawing itself at the back of Phoenix's mind. Whenever it arose, he would usually shrug it off and move on with his task. Emotions were a tricky thing to handle, after all. One little slip from your grasp and you start losing yourself, little by little.

It was something Phoenix underestimated.

* * *

He was running out in the rain. He felt his clothes weighing him down as he slipped through the sidewalks, avoiding various people's gaze at him. He ignored all the stares as he weaved through crowds, passing through couples holding hands and sticking themselves together to avoid getting wet from the downpour.

It was pouring harder now, but Phoenix doesn't care. The storm's nothing compared to the disaster he's feeling inside. All he wanted right now was to end it. He didn't want to suffer any longer and he saw no other option.

Phoenix took a sharp turn to his left where he almost bumped onto a tall woman who had long brown hair, accompanied by a dark-skinned man.

"Are you alright?" The lady was about to ask but Phoenix dashed through the crowd before they could even see his face.

In the collision, Phoenix didn't notice his phone slipping away from his pocket and being kicked out onto the sidewalk.

* * *

_Where is he? _

Iris had been waiting in front of his apartment for almost an hour now. She was supposed to surprise him on his birthday, today, which caused her to avoid him for a few days. She didn't even dye her hair these days since Feenie liked her hair darker. Now that she was here though, she didn't know what to do.

She'd been knocking at the door but no one answered. She tried his phone but voicemail answered her calls. She'd asked his friends if they found him but to no avail. Looking at the edge of the complex, it was ironic that it was raining on the day dedicated for love.

Iris walked down the stairs and headed outside to start looking for him, starting with the nearby folks.

She saw a couple walking by that somehow seemed familiar to her.

"Excuse me?" She asked the two, "Have you seen a boy around wearing a pink sweater? I can't seem to… find him."

The brunette whispered something to her partner, who then chuckled at her statement. "We believe that we saw him exiting the square a while ago."

"Is that so?"

The brunette fished something from her pocket. "He dropped this when we 'bumped' into him, though." She handed Iris his cell phone before walking away from the girl.

Iris was trembling. She didn't want to believe what she was seeing. She didn't want to think that he was serious this time.

She looked to her left and saw that he left his bicycle unlocked. Maybe she could still make it in time.

* * *

She was practically breathless.

Riding a bicycle wearing a dress was hard enough. Riding a bicycle at full speed wearing a dress with no breaks was even more difficult. Yet, somehow, Iris managed to arrive at the beach exhausted, about ready to collapse, but otherwise unharmed. She raced off to the shore to see sneakers carelessly strewn across the sand. Off the distance, she could see him standing knee-deep in the water, still wearing the pink sweater she gave him.

"Feenie!" She called out.

He turned around. There was his angel, ready to save him. Iris waded through the water, fighting through the waves to meet him.

He felt that he doesn't deserve her.

"Feenie! What are you doing?" She smiled, reaching out her hand.

"I don't deserve you, Dollie." He looked into her eyes, pleading her to go away.

"No, Feenie, I don't deserve you. You've given me love I never knew I could have." She held his hand, slowly tugging him to move back to the shore. "You don't need to do this."

"No, Dollie. You can't love me. A broken person such as me doesn't deserve perfection like you." He let go and stared down at the waves. He closed his eyes, taking a long breath in and finally dives down.

He didn't know what he was doing yet he was fully aware of what he was getting into.

It was treacherous, dangerous, hazardous, and he was putting his neck in the line. But then again, wasn't he putting his neck on the line all his life? Phoenix had been known for acting upon rash decisions, maybe this was just another one of them to add onto the pile. After all, who else was there to wait for him even if he's gone?

Friends? Did he even have any true friends right now?

He's overcome with pain as memories flash back right at him. Maybe if Father wasn't drinking grape juice every night, Mother wouldn't have packed her bags and left. Maybe they would have still grown to be a nice little family in their small community. Maybe he didn't have to suffer all those bruises and screams. Maybe he didn't have to cry himself to sleep at night, longing for his mother's arms to hold him. Maybe he wouldn't have been so friendless at school.

If Miles hadn't left, maybe he and Larry wouldn't have always been dubbed as outcasts in school. Maybe they wouldn't be looked down at by bullies or the student body in general. Maybe if Larry wasn't so focused on wooing girls, Phoenix wouldn't have to store all his feelings inside. Maybe he wouldn't be cutting himself every night just to relieve some of the stress he was feeling.

Maybe, just, maybe… Dollie would help him overcome it all. She loved him with all her heart and she's done everything to make him trust her.

But Father and Mother loved him as well and Miles and Larry have trusted him ever since they were young.

No. He doesn't want anymore disappointments from them. Dollie will just break his heart and leave him.

He bobbed his head to the surface to see Dollie back at shore, fumbling at her dress. She stumbled as she ran towards a nearby van, where a few guys came out to intercept her.

_I knew it. _

Phoenix dove down deeper into the waves. He felt his lungs burning yet he plunges on deeper. He was running out of breath and his arms soon flail from being tired. He pushed all thoughts of giving up away from him as he felt himself being pulled by the strong currents. His limbs slowly stopped moving as his vision soon darkens.

He remembers the last words he heard from Dollie.

_I love you, Feenie. _

He closed his eyes as those last words echo in his mind over and over until he feels warmth carry him out of the cold abyss.

* * *

Everything happened in a span of twenty minutes. It didn't leave Iris enough time to take in all that had happened.

One moment Phoenix was there standing just near her, the next he ran off and dived underwater. Iris knew she didn't have the strength to pull him up from the ocean since the currents were too strong and she wasn't a strong swimmer either. She ran back to the shore so that she could contact the emergency hotline. How fortunate she felt when she saw her cellphone still intact!

Iris was overjoyed when she saw the authorities arriving immediately on the spot, but was soon replaced by dread when she realized that Phoenix was missing. She rushed to get him, all forms of logic lost upon her, but a few of the men caught her and soon led her to a nearby van to warm up and calm down.

To say Iris was upset was a complete understatement. She wanted to push her way out of the men's grasp and reach out for her darling… but she didn't want to cause any more trouble among them. In the end, all the small woman could do was wait in the van and close her eyes.

And pray.

* * *

_"Feenie! Wake up, please."_

What was that?

_"Feenie, don't give up on me."_

Was that voice calling him? What in the world is happening?

_"Don't give up, please, Feenie, don't. I need you."_

He felt a tugging sensation at chest. He felt heavy…and sleep. He just wanted to sleep.

_"I love you, Feenie, please."_

He faintly hears a sharp, ringing sound. A bell? An alarm? Who knows. All he knows is that he's feeling peaceful and weightless. No one can harm him now. He lets his mind doze off and his body shut down as the ringing sounds fainter, and fainter, and fainter…

* * *

When Phoenix first opened his eyes, the first thing he saw was the necklace still hanging around his neck. The next was his Dollie sleeping on the nearby couch.

It took a while before he felt the aches coming from all parts of his body. He felt needles poking along his limbs and bandages across his head. He felt weak and the slightest movement made his lungs want to burst. He then heard a muffled sound.

Was that him? Maybe it was.

He shifted his eyes to see his Dollie now sitting beside him. At the back of her mind, she was thinking that now was the perfect time to get the bottle necklace from his neck. The two locked eyes, and at once, she didn't have the heart to get that necklace anymore. She felt that she was a foundation for someone else now, someone else who needed her to live.

"Feeling better, Feenie?"

She got silence as her response.

"I don't pretend to completely understand what you do, Feenie, but I have no idea why'd you want to take your life. Did I do something wrong? Did I do anything to hurt you?"

"I don't deserve you," he croaked.

"You keep on saying that to me. Why?"

For a while there was a spark of hope in his eyes, but then, all too suddenly, it was gone. "I didn't truly believe in love before. Sometimes I hide my pain through a façade of happiness."

Iris felt her heart grow cold. Why was she suddenly feeling so guilty?

"With you, I finally got a chance to truly live a happy life. I've spent a lot of my best days with you. When I'm with you, I feel alive, Dollie. I feel like I finally have something to live for."

"But then I heard rumors, Dollie, that you were still dating that British boy wannabe. I didn't believe it at first but people have been saying that you weren't just going to leave me. You were planning on killing me. I… I couldn't handle it. You weren't answering my calls or responding to my messages. I started to believe that the rumors were true."

"All my life, I never knew what true love felt like, Dollie. I never truly had that… rock to support me. Or that sanctuary I can turn to for peace. Until I found you."

Silence followed once more as both parties shed tears at his statement. The raven-haired girl gently took his hands on hers and kissed it lightly.

"I used to think that people who committed suicide as selfish people, Feenie. But now, I see that they're just people who have no one to turn to."

"I promise to never leave you, Feenie. I love you and no one else can reach that level of dedication I have for you." She kissed his forehead, "And you're worth a lot more than you think."

All it took was one smile from her beloved to see that he believed in her before she broke down once more in tears. Her heart feeling both happy and sad at the same time. She squeezed his hands for the last time.

"Let's be strong… for both of us."

* * *

A fortnight and a bottle of Coldkiller X later, something else happened that drove Phoenix to turn to the ocean.

But no, he was a stronger person now and he won't be running way from his problems anymore.

He'll do anything to save Dollie now. He'll be strong for Dollie.

He'll be strong for himself.


End file.
